just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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