Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
