the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
