when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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