Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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