guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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