They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Text me some of your sweat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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