My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
