Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
