you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
