I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
