they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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