He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
