Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
