I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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