Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
