i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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