funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
