I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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