Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
