So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
