Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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