Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
