So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
