i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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