every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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