pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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