FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
