I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
