Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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