obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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