If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
