He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
