So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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