Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
