Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
