ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
