Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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