and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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