They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
