I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize