ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
