In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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