That's when you crack a 10am beer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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