I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
