I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
