I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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