just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
its liver damage thursday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
