Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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