He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
