You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
