Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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