Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
