OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
