At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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