You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we have pet lesbian snakes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
