Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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