with your own penis?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
