rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
