First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
