Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
