11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
