It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
