do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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