That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
