You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
