im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
