this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will be naked everywhere
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
