How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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