First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
